Experiencing Mommy Failure Moments?
Have you ever just messed up and missed it as a mom? Like you tried teaching your kids a life lesson, but you totally bombed it yourself?
Recently, I was reflecting on a moment that happened a few weeks ago where I was trying to teach my daughter that we can learn to master our emotions, and that we don’t have to allow our emotions to master us. If we just call on the good Lord for strength and wisdom, He will walk us through whatever we are going through.
Well, my own personal life lesson was about to unfold. One evening, I was more tired than usual because in the previous days, I was attempting to train my one year old to sleep in his own bed instead of ours the entire night. I told my two oldest kids that it was time to get ready for bed, but apparently I was speaking a foreign language because their little bodies decided not to move an inch.
Now when I am running on only a few hours of sleep, my patience is almost non-existent. I decided however, I was going to ask their little behinds one more time to get to moving to their beds or we were going to have a problem.
My son decided he didn’t want any problems and headed straight to his room. My daughter, on the other hand, decided to tell me at that moment, in her sassy tone, that she didn’t feel like going to bed and was going to stay up until her daddy got home.
Now I wish I could to tell you that I first responded in love and embraced her and began quoting bible scriptures on how God loves obedience and how we are to honor and respect our parents if we want to experience a long life. And how she said, “okay mommy” with a bright smile and skipped to her bed with joy and gladness. However, that was not my reality at that particular moment.
What this five year old girl was NOT about to do was tell me what she felt like doing and when she was going to decide to go to bed. Oh no! She done lost her mind!
Out of pure frustration and anger, I went off! However, after having my adult tantrum and melt down, instead of feeling relieved and like I set her straight, I felt mortified at my response and was filled with overwhelming guilt, shame, and condemnation. How can I possibly teach my kids to manage their emotions when I am barely able to manage my own?
The next morning that same feeling of guilt and shame awaited me. When I have moments of failure or responding in the flesh, I sometimes find it challenging to come to God because I envision him shaking his head and wagging his finger at me in pure utter disappointment saying, "when will you learn daughter!?"
The negative self-talk began to flood my mind:
"You are such a bad mom! You are going to scar your children for life! At least your kids have one good parent. You’re never going to be someone they can look up to!"
As I decided to push through the negative thoughts, and still get my time in with the Lord, I said under my breath,
"You have to stop beating yourself up every time you fall short and make a mistake. Take accountability for your actions, confess your sin, repent, and seek His help and guidance, and thank Him in advance for His wisdom and for a changed heart."
Just then a verse popped into my mind.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8, NLT).
In that moment God reminded me of all that unfolded the night before, and instead of focusing on the nightmare of my reaction, he helped me focus on the aftermath that came out of it.
So... immediately after I lost my temper with my daughter, I went to her room and apologized for my response. I didn’t make an excuse for it, but just told her that even as adults we miss it. That is why Jesus did what He did for us on the cross so that we can have a relationship with our heavenly Father and He can help us and shape us to be more like his dear Son. Then I got on my knees and prayed to God in sincere repentance, asking for his help in moments where I feel tired and weary to fill me up with more of his love, gentleness, and patience. Surprisingly, after that prayer ended, she too began to apologize for her disobedience and asked God for forgiveness for her actions.
How easy it was for me to forget that amazing lesson that my daughter and I learned the night before. The enemy wanted me to just focus on that moment when I lost my temper and attempt to keep me in the chains of my sin, by taunting me with negative thoughts.
As moms, when we fall short and make mistakes, humbly lay it before God and ask for forgiveness and move forward. It grieves Him to see us be so self-critical and under shame because He sent His Son so that we would no longer have to be under condemnation. Even when you can’t see the positive out of a failed moment, you can still focus on what is right, true, lovely, and that is Jesus.
We don’t have to walk this journey of motherhood alone. We don't have to do life alone. He is walking right beside us and going before us. When we desire to become more like Christ, we must focus and meditate on who He is, and then we can recognize His presence, even in those not so proud moments. Remember, He causes all things to work together for good to those who love him (Romans 8:28, NASB).
What about you! Do you struggle with focusing on the negative of every situation and seeing the positive even out of a failed moment? What are some ways you can begin to focus and center your thoughts on what is true, lovely, and admirable?
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