HEARTBEAT

Hi Ladies! Welcome and thank you for joining me on this journey. My name is LeeAndra Johnson and I am a woman of God, wife, and mother of three children 6 and under with a passion to encourage and  direct mothers and young women  to the heart of Jesus so that they realize their identity, worth, and  purpose can only be found in Him.  From the outside I might look like I have it all together, but in my early years of motherhood I had some serious internal battles that I tried to ignore. After getting pregnant with my second child, I was let go from a job that I thought was going to eventually turn into my dream career.The benefits were amazing and I had already begun to visualize myself retiring from there, but God had other plans. I went from working full time, to now becoming  a full time stay at home mom, which truly was and still is a blessing.  However, God used this time of forced stillness to get my attention and confront what was happening with me on the inside. 

 

You see,  I believed the lie that my identity and worth was based on what others said about me and  what I was able to do or accomplish. I thought I had it all together because I performed well in school and did the “right” thing by getting my degrees, but now here I am, jobless, with two degrees under my belt and nothing to show for it. On top of that, the pain and soul trauma that I buried over the years had finally reached the surface and started spilling out on those I loved the most. Unintentionally and sometimes intentionally I would lash out without understanding the root of my problem. I would try desperately to clean up the mess and residue that I would leave behind but would fail miserably because I was trying in my own strength.  I was dealing with a lot of anger, fear, anxiety, insecurity, and feelings of rejection. Quite frankly, I was a hot mess!  I would get so frustrated because I knew as a believer I was supposed to be more than a conqueror and live the victorious life. But what I was experiencing in those moments was the opposite of victorious. I felt like a failure, unlovable, and like someone who my children could not look up to.  Tormented by my anxious thoughts, and wanting something better for my life, I knew something had to change. 

 

One morning in utter desperation, I asked my husband to pray for me, but did not have the courage or strength to be bold and speak specifically about the need because of guilt and shame. As soon as he left for work that morning, I wept before the Lord and cried out to Him with as much honesty and rawness that I could muster. I poured out my pain to Him and immediately felt His loving presence and was comforted. In those next moments it was revealed to me by the Holy Spirit  that I didn’t have a true understanding of who I really was in Christ nor did I understand His love for me. Transformation took place in my spirit when I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, but my soul was still carrying the identity and wounds of my past. During this season of my life, the Lord took me on a deeper journey with Him like I’ve never experienced before. There was a lot of pruning and refining taking place in my heart, and it was difficult, but the Lord saw me through it. What transpired in the midst of it was a much richer intimacy with Him and spiritual growth.  I feel in love with Him and His word and I hungered and thirsted for more of Him daily. I got delivered from many of my soul wounds and God is still restoring me to this day. 

 

Now, I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I'm perfect or have arrived. I just believe that He who has begun a good work in me will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). In other words, I know God is committed to transforming all of us and growing our faith. We just have to be willing to  surrender and put our whole trust in Him alone.There is hope in God ladies!  And we have this hope as an anchor for our hearts .( Hebrews 6:19)

 

  My prayer is that through the power of the Holy Spirit,  this blog will  be a supplementary tool to provide nourishment to the weary hearts through the wisdom of God’s word.  When we feed our souls with God’s  nutrients, real heart transformation takes place. God’s word says that when we don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world but allow God to transform us into a new person by changing the way we think,we will learn  God’s will for us which is good, pleasing and perfect ( Romans 12:2).  I desire this freedom and victory for all of us so that we can all grow and be the women, mothers, and daughters God called us to be. Stay tuned!

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